What Should I do if my Husband Wants Our Daughter to be Thinner? Pressuring Kids to be Thin and Creating Body Image Issues

Many parents are cognizant about how their values and words impact their child. When it comes to a child's body image, this is also the case. A mom recently asked me how to navigate the situation where her husband wants their daughter to be thinner. She was rightfully concerned that a focus on body size was not a good idea. She was worried it will cause body image issues.

Managing Pressure to be Thin From Parents

In this situation, the you need to have a productive conversation about this concern. You should try to come into the conversation calm and with an attitude that you both want what is best for your child. As parents, you are both on the same team trying to give your child her best life. You just differ in how to get there.

Creating Body Image Issues

Discuss with your husband your concerns about focusing on thinness. A focus on being thin will likely lead your daughter to feel bad about herself. While it might (or might not!) lead her to become thin, it almost certainly will lead to negative body image issues. A negative body image will probably last her through her entire life and will take a lot of therapy to improve. For some children, a focus on being thin leads to worse than poor body image. Children can end up with eating disorders that damage both their physical and mental health.

Parents are often on the different pages about various aspects of childrearing. The benefit of having different opinions is that parents can use both perspectives to think more critically about their decisions. I think that having the discussion with your spouse from a place of similarity in values of jointly wanting what is best for your daughter can help make the conversation more collaborative.

Other Resources for Your Child's Health and Body Image Issues

You can also turn to other resources to aid this discussion. Parents can schedule a meeting with their child's pediatrician to discuss concerns about their child's health. Pediatricians can help parents figure out how to prioritize their child's wellbeing--both physically and mentally. Sometimes parents will work with a couples therapist to figure out some of the thornier parenting disagreements. A therapist can also help parents understand how their parenting may affect their child's mental health, especially when it comes to body image issues.

A focus from a parent on thinness is a serious concern for a child. It is particularly challenging because it provokes familial relationships on multiple levels. With work from both parents, hopefully families can promote healthy eating and a mentally healthy attitude towards food. With an understanding of how kids may respond to pressure to be thin, body image issues can be decreased.